The world of political correctness has been increasingly infiltrating human thinking to a point where even when we’re at home with our love partners, we think far more about what is the right thing to do or say rather than freely expressing how we truly feel. This becomes an obstacle in our quest to reach a truthful meeting of the minds. We end up portraying an edited persona that can communicate maturely and amicably with our partner’s corresponding edited persona. Sooner or later, this becomes taxing and what once was effortless becomes effort and with it comes doubt. I believe that doubt begins to erode the certainty of love in many relationships due to lack of awareness, not to lack of love. This starts simply by us being human and, therefore, curious about certain thoughts and feelings as early as the first few months in a relationship. However, day to day trivial questions and thoughts are ignored because there’s a stigma attached to being curious. It’s seen as an admission that there is serious issue when, in reality, many questions are nothing more than stepping stones to self awareness, clearer understanding and, ultimately, a more fulfilling love.
My journey started from a long and life changing personal experience that opened my eyes to the real meaning of love and who it should free us to be. After years of research that included many collaborations, giving seminars and workshops, and writing a book, I decided to open Compass4Couples and I wanted it to be a gym, not a hospital. Our visitors are healthy, curious and full of hope.
Along with my colleagues at Compass, we would like to make the wealth of wonderful relationship awareness out there available to all form as early as possible. We look forward to hearing from all you curious lovers out there…
The statement “if I knew then what I know now….” applies to so many aspects of our lives, none more so than to our love relationships. However, for some reason, there are hardly any awareness avenues available to those that are either single or, more importantly, to couples who are in a happy place. Love is thought of as a uniquely personal quest with little commonality. This of course is not true. As a counsellor, I see so many many couples repeating the same patterns due to a lack of self, or relationship awareness. I find myself repeatedly thinking: “if only I could have talked to these couples when things were still good between them.” That is the time when we could raise awareness about the bad habits as well as the good ones. I am now convinced that we could have far more happiness in long term relationships if we take a bit of time to raise awareness to these habits as early as possible, especially when things are still going well.
Having gone through two divorces, I am sure that if I had access to a relationship gym such as Compass4Couples, it would have more than likely saved my first marriage and ended my second far sooner. From this experience I wanted to learn more about relationships and how individuals behave when interacting with their partners. This inspired me to train for several years to become an Integrative relational counsellor and psychotherapist, attaining a BA(Hons) degree, followed by specialist training in couples counselling. As wonderful and rewarding as I find my vocation, I strongly believe that these very couples that are coming to me now could have benefited from a relationship gym at a much earlier phase of their relationship which would have more than likely resulted in them not needing to see me now.
Having spent many years counselling both individuals and couples, I think that a couples gym can have a huge positive impact on relationships and will strengthen your couple’s unit and in turn the family unit.
My interest in the world of psychology started through self questioning: Am I really happy? How well do I know myself or those around me? How well do they know me? How much of what I do is done because I want to vs I have to? And so on… I now know that most of us often ask ourselves such questions but never really spend enough time answering them, perhaps because we don’t even know how to start.
I decided to go back into education and get a BA in Integrative-Relational Counselling. What I learned helped me go a long way in answering my questions. The overwhelming feeling was that everyone should have access to at least the basics of how and why we are who we are. After many hours, months and years spent with clients, I felt that as useful as the world of psychotherapy is, it is somehow shackled by one thing, the majority, if not all, that seek it only do so after they find themselves in a difficult and vulnerable position. I couldn’t help but feel that this immense library of empowering knowledge can do far more good if accessed long before one finds oneself in difficulty.
This is what interested me most about Compass4Couples. The world of psychology can and should be a liberator, an enhancer of our own understanding and a stepping stone towards truly knowing ourselves. And there is no more important place to gain this insight than within the parameters of a love partnership, a relationship that plays a major part in our wellbeing, that of our partners, and, not least, our children. No matter where you are in your relationship, getting access to the tools we can all use to let the real us come out is an immeasurable asset. The earlier the better so that the road ahead has as much chance as possible of being one full of pleasure, contentment and awareness.
"I can't recommend this annual checkup highly enough. It's the wake up call we all need"
"Like most, we had our issues but we ignored them because they were silly. Now we realise that these silly issues are the very ones we need to talk about"
"For me 'The CoupledomTrap' is the most honest and direct approach to how we should be looking at our relationships. It not only explains the problem but Tal Araim seems to have found the cure."
“I would encourage anyone, who is about to commit to a long term relationship, to read Tal's book, with an open mind and a sense of humour…..it might prevent a lot of heartache later!”